All posts by Galactus' Herald

Poseidon’s rape of Medusa leading to her punishment at the hands of Athena.

It is hard to judge in this one, which God was a bigger douche, the God that rapes a priestess of a rival Goddess to get back at her, or the Goddess that instead of punishing the raspiest, punishes the priestess for allowing herself to be raped by turning her into a gorgon.

medusa 2004This is the story of Medusa.

Medusa was once the most beautiful woman in all of Athens, and also a priestess  of the goddesses Athena. One day while doing some priestly stuff, a man entered the temple and was like “I think ill rape you this day.” ,this was a golden age for rape,and although I imagine she put up a fight, which is what you do in these situations, the man over powered her.

Athena was the Goddess of purity, I guess because her husband Zeus was such a man whore, and since Medusa  defiled her temple on top of defiling herself the goddess turned her into a gorgon so she could never love again.

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To better understand this story one has to understand the motivations of the Gods, they’re not cruel, but are just.  Poseidon and Athena became arch-enemies after the Athenians decided to make Athena their patron saint instead of Poseidon. Athena gifted the Athenians an olive tree where as Poseidon gave them a horse, I mean who wouldn’t want a horse.

So in order to get revenge for what Poseidon considered an injustice, he decides to get  back at Athena by defiling her temple, So he decided he might as well rape someone why he’s at it ,kind of a two for one for the sex crazed God.  Once Athena learns of this she decides to blame the feeble human, girl power wasn’t as big in the BC, and turn her into a hideous creature to make sure she would never love again, since I’m sure Poseidon was a gentle rapist.

So who do you think was a bigger douche?

Galactus the Devourer

GalactusGalactus the Devourer, or Galactus to his friends, has been around since literally the beginning of time, at least in our universe. After sleeping for billions of years he decides to eat the planet Archeopia, like you do in that situation, and for the next billion years or so he travels the universe devouring Worlds and even gets caught up in a civil war between Gods. At first Galactus tries to keep his ” devouring” to uninhabited Worlds, but then he essentially says to himself “Hey, I’m basically a God and have been in this Universe since the beginning , I don’t care about these things.” so he commences to consume everything until he comes across the planet  Zenn-La and, due to the convincing of one of its inhabitants, decides to not consume the planet in exchange for the one that convinced him not to, to become his herald and search for plants for him to consume, Thus Silver surfer is born!

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